A Mommy Confession

On Sunday, February 8th, 2015 at 2:10am my life changed.  After 41 weeks of waiting I was finally a mother of 2, a mother to a brilliant young boy, and a brand new gorgeous baby girl.  It was a quick labour and delivery, and the moment she was placed in my arms I was awestruck.  She was beyond words.  So perfect, it terrified me.  I had thought about it for the last 9 months, what it would be like to be a mother to a little girl.  I was just starting to get used to being a mom to a little boy, the bumps and bruises, the hot wheels, the superheroes, all of it.  Now I was being thrown in to a whole new realm of motherhood.

I’ve never been overly “girly” myself.  Not saying that my daughter will grow up to be girly, not saying she won’t grow up to be a tomboy like I was.  I have no idea what she’ll grow up to be like, but as long as she’s happy with who she is I couldn’t be happier.

When you become a parent you are subjected to the worst kind of pressure, helping someone develop and grow in to their own person.  For me it’s scary to be a mother to a little boy, but I can only influence so many aspects of his life.  His father will be the one he looks up to, who he’ll want to grow up to be like.  But now I have a little girl, a smaller version of me.  I’ll be the one she looks up to, I’ll be the one she’ll aspire to be like, at least I hope so.  I have to be the best I can be, better than the best.  I want her to know that she can come to me no matter what, for anything she wants.

It’s been 11 days since my sweet girl was born and I’m already terrified that I’ve let her down in some way, I know I haven’t, but it’s still scary.  When she’s old enough to understand the things I’ve done, I can only hope and hold my breath to see what she chooses to do with the things I teach her, and the things she learns from me on her own.

Ask any parent. There’s nothing scarier than being a parent. There’s so much pressure. Ask them if it’s worth it.  They’ll all tell you the same thing.  Absolutely.  I would take this life over the complete opposite any day of the week.  There will be days when they’ll make me want to pull my hair out, but those are the best days, those are the days where I can show them the best of who I am, and who I can only hope they can be.

So what’s my big confession you make ask.  I’m a mother…and it scares the crap out of me.  I will be scared for the rest of my life, and I’m totally alright with that.

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